...the need to live fully

I have this friend whom I have know for quite sometime.  He drove and showed up at my house up north when I decided to turn my life upside-over and moved me and my kids out.  He showed up.

He asked me what made me do it.  What finally made me walk through the wet paint I had backed myself into a corner with.  Figuratively speaking, of course.

To which I answered without thought.  Because I knew.

I was more afraid of just waiting around to die.  Not to be depressing but I have watched for years people live around me without much thought into the purpose or what they actually wanted out of life.  Waiting.  Waiting until the kids got older, until the kids graduated, until that work bonus, until retirement, until they got married, divorced - excuses for everything   Work, what was on the TV that night or at the movie theater that weekend rules most lives.
  That seemed about the jest of it.

That always scared the shit out of me.  Absolutely terrified me.  I am more afraid of not living, of not experiencing every good thing than I am of dying.  
 I fear nothing but a cage.

I talk a lot about finding my love.  I do not need my love (wherever he is) to complete me.  I am just gooey and love being in love.  I will complete him though.  
I know this to be true.  

Life is damn short and not at all what we were told it was to be.  I would live blissfully in a tent if I did not have my little one. 

I have never ever been more sure, happy, awake & soulful. I can literally feel the energy radiate from me.  Odd sounding, I know. But I can.  Ive been told this from people I've met, as well. 

This year has taught us, if nothing else, that time is short and nothing is guaranteed. Live and live fully.

It is why I get ansy.  Why I need to run...to just go.  I need to see every fucking thing.

To feel the wind blow, the sunsets and the energy of it all to move through me.  
I can fucking feel it all. 

Life is worth living to the absolute fullest.

Here & Now

                  - intentionally, nicki